Life After Death
Is there life after death? I try to avoid thinking about it because the reality is, I’ll never know until I die and I don’t like not knowing the answer so thinking about it is rather masochistic. But, I watched the movie “The Lovely Bones,” tonight, so the concept is at the forefront of my mind for now. I read the book but it’s been so long that I can’t actually say with any conviction that the book is better than the movie. I do remember loving the book and crying non-stop through most of it, I just don’t remember any of the details. I liked the movie. I teared up a few times but didn’t really cry. I’d like to use that as a gauge to how well the movie stands up to the book but I’m not nearly as emotional as I was back then so who really knows. My guess is that if I watched the movie back then I would’ve been bawling after the first five minutes. But I digress….
Life after death…
I remember the first time I felt like someone who died was there with me. I was about 10 or 11. I’ve always had trouble sleeping. It took me a good half hour to an hour to fall asleep. So, as a child, and really, as I am right now, I would lay in my bed and think. Sometimes that was fun. I had all kinds of fantasies. I was going to grow up and be wildly successful. And not just at one thing….many things. Academy Award’s, Grammy’s, Pulitzer Prize’s….they were all within my reach. But then there were the nights when I didn’t want to fantasize but my head was ready for action and I would think about scary or sad things. On one particular night, I started thinking about my grandpa (my dad’s dad) who had passed away. I started crying. The kind of crying that physically hurts. My chest ached so bad from heaving, but I could not stop. Then, out of nowhere, I did. And even though it defies all logic, and I cannot say why I believe it other than the fact that I do, I know my grandpa was there at that moment. I felt instantly at peace.
There’s one other time I felt this way. My Aunt Louise passed away a little over a year ago. We knew she was going to die but it happened very fast. My parents called me early that day and told me that Louise was in her final hours. I lost it. I had not yet experienced death on this level. My family is down in LA and that’s a 7 hour drive for me. I told my dad I was getting in my car and that I’d be down there as soon as I can. He told me no. He said I wouldn’t make it. I shouldn’t have been driving in that state of mind anyway. I would wait till the next morning. I spent the rest of that day calling friends and family and just crying. I fell asleep crying. While I was sleeping, my Aunt Louise came to me and told me it was okay that I wasn’t at the hospital. We had our goodbye that night in my dream. And again, even though it defies all logic, I felt it so deep in my bones that I cannot deny it was my Aunt’s spirit.
I don’t know if there’s life after death. It’s nice to think that something happens to us after we die. What I know from my own experience is that logic cannot explain what I felt on those two separate nights and I am okay with that. It’s nice to have a little hope that there’s something more out there…
